IC XC

I didn't have class this morning. My prof was summoned for Jury duty and wasn't pardoned so class was tentatively cancelled until i received this email
"My dept. Chair says it is unacceptable for me to cancel classes for two weeks, yet I am legally required to be on jury duty during that time.  Nobody seems to know quite what to do.  Chair says I should tell you, "Await further instructions."  So, please watch your e-mail for further instructions.  Maybe another faculty member will take my classes, or something.

Isn't this fun?"

so who knows what's going to happen there. It was for philosophy of science (phil 350) which was a much more promising class before the semester started. while philosophy of science and data interpretation are some of my favorite over-some-beers topics, it's hard to really grasp the scientific material when the prof has very little scientific training. one can't really talk about quantum mechanics when one has no physics training, but such is life.

after my morning got rolling i became abnormally grumpy. i should not have been grumpy at all. class was cancelled and i got to sleep in. but every little thing started setting me off. i started thinking about orthodoxy again.

so today i've been praying and trying to remind myself, as rich mullins said, that god did not call us out of this world to make us happy or to make us pious. because there are enough happy people and there are enough pious people. God called us out of this world to make a difference. And you won't make a difference by building more bombs. You won't make a difference by putting on more make up and appearing on more tv shows. you won't make a difference by marrying the person that you're in love with. you won't make a difference by going to the school you've always wanted to. you will, however, make a difference whey you lay down your life, and in complete submission to God, choose to die with him.

I had lunch with icthys_1 today. it was good. but now i'm tired and i'm going to take the bus home, take a nap, and play psychonauts.

(extended whistle) KA-BOOM

Calc Test wasn't too bad. I totally need work on my integration. the inegration section of the test (3/10 problems) were giving me some serious trouble. my differentiation and limit evaluation seem up to par. A lot of people came out of the test bemoaning, "I just failed that test." or "what was the answer to [some problem that I knew]?". My Recon tells me that this class isn't curved, so my satisfaction might have to be that I scored in the upper 50% of the bell curve

I saw the movie "Luther" this week. I had heard about it first when I was at Biola. After reading works by Luther the pull question might be assigned to go and watch the movie and compare and contrast etc. To my surprise it was a very good movie. Joseph Fiennes delivered a convincing and relatable performance. The attractive young man on the silver screen stands in contrast to rather unattractive anti-semite that you might see in paintings. The movie portrayed Luther as bold, yet uncertain freedom fighter. I think one of the most powerful lines in the film occurs when Luther is being groomed to go before an eccumenical trial. His (spiritual) father is shaving the appropriate parts of his head to create the classic "monk" hair cut (crown and base of the head from ear to ear shaved). Luther says to him as he faces a jury that is inlcined to sentence him to death, "When you sent me out to change the world, Father, did you really think there wouldn't be a cost?"

That line I think, demonstrates one key in the minor chord of Christianity. Martin Luther it seems to me did two thing that forever changed Christianity. I'm no theologian and i'm not even that good of a Christian and as such (and not such) I could be totally wrong. But these are the two things that I've perceived him to have done.

1- He, heroically, boldly, and in the name of God stood up for the authority of the Bible, and defied the hypocracy and heresy of the Roman Church. He tried to restore that which the Church should never have been bereft of: the word of God, In the face of death and excommunication/anathama. He seriously loved the Church and wanted to reestablish a more holy faith.

The second, it seems was an unforseen and undesired consequence.
2- It seems he set a precedent of division. It was clearly not Luther's desire to create a schism within the Chruch. And from what Jim has told me about Luther's writings, Luther was grieved that there was a schism. Nevertheless, Protestantism (if it can be considered one body or branch of Christianity) remains mournfully ununified.

Baptists (aside from being internally divided between North, South, Race, and confession) don't get along with Methodists over the method of baptism. Methodists don't get along so well with the high church episkpols over liturgy. Prebyterians and other similarly minded Calvinists hold so tightly to one spec of theology that they go so far to say it is true "Biblical" Christianity. The Anglicans (with their noble yet still schismatic attempt at via media) are condescended by Roman Catholics as bastards of the true Church, while protestants tend to group them into "basically Catholics". The Orthodox are very quick to say that they do not claim to know or judge those who are not Orthodox (and even many who are). They say that their eternal verdict judgment of their souls is not known. That it is very possibly the case that many non-Orthodox will arrive in heaven. Yet in the same breath they affirm that those who are not Orthodox are not apart of The Church and therefore not apart of the Body of Christ. I don't know how one can arrive in heaven to salvation and perfection of their souls without being The Bride, The Church of Christ. Or we end up worrying about terms like "priests" and "pastors" and "presbyters" "bishops" and the "episkopate" and "deacons" and wether or not it's ok to call your [insert clerical heirarchal title here] "father".

Now, (almost exclusively in protestantism), whenever there is more than one interpretation of any given passage you can find at least on rival church that has based their entire theology around their singular interpreation.

I can't claim to know a solution or cure, but it breaks my heart to be a spectator and a participant in Christianity and see us in such a state as this.

There is a local church in Albuquerque (Southern Baptist Affiliates) who have just announced their plans to have a campus of their church within 15 minutes from anywhere in Albuquerque and surrounding areas. They plan on training up worship leaders and "facilitators" who will perform the "necessary" tasks. After those "necessary" tasks are completed, citizens of Albuqueruque will be invited every Sunday watch high definition DVD's of the pastor's Saturday night service. And the first of the this plethora of campuses will be erected in Rio Rancho which has more churches than I care to count

It's absolutely heart-breaking for so many reasons. 1) there already is a church fifteen minutes from anywhere in Albuquerque. Instead of spending 15 million dollars on satellite campuses, why can't you partner with all of the other churches in town? what is it about the Jesus of the Catholics or the Anlgicans, or the Methodists, or the Non-Demoninationals that you just can't cope with? that you feel like setting up church across from theirs so they can hear your sermons? does this just reveal a belief that this pastor might have that his chruch is about his teaching and not about serving the community both believers and non?

I don't know why the body has to be this way. This was not Luther's intent. Luther wanted to restore the Church not divide it! and now we face the greatest number of denominations and schism we have ever seen, and every time. I really have trouble believing that one church is more Holy, more Catholic, more Apostolic, (in accordance with The Creed) than the others. And maybe for a while I thought that mass conversion would be the answer, but it's not. God is clearly working in all sects of Christianity. Hear the stories of miracles happening at the Sacraments. Of The Virgin appearing and presenting clergy with clerical garments. Of confused Baptist Preacher's sons, in obedience, evangelizing whole native tribes to the glory of God. Of monks making the sign of the cross over the ill and making them well. Surely no one denomination can say to the other's, "you are not the body of Christ" We can use Sola Scriptura or Ecumenism or Apostolic Succession or whatever we want but it just seems to me like it ends up in the same place. We ought to be one, for Christ is one. I don't know how to solve it? I don't know if a solution is even possible. All I really know is to follow hard after Christ and to show people the God with whom I have at least some level of communion.

(Ritual Disclaimer: My statements apply only to divisions over "ambiguities" within Christianity. Schismatic groups such as JW and LDS are schismatic over issues that are unambiguous to normative christianity e.g. the diety of Christ,)

About a week ago I was sitting in front of my computer trying to think of something to blog about, when out of nowhere I hear God telling me to do something. I wasn't thrilled at all. What he was asking me to do was something that was really painful . . . again, and I felt like God had asked me to do enough painful things in recent days and that I shouldn't be forced to keep doing things that hurt so badly. so like the obstinate bastard that I am, I spent the next several days kinda depressed while I super glued my fingers to my ears and sang "la la la" to the tune of Nothing is Real. Try as I may I couldn't quite convince myself that I didn't hear from God. But I also know the reality of talking with God, i.e. if you ignore him long enough you'll become desensitized. so I tried . . . I failed. As it turns out the person with whom God wanted me to act did the acting for me. And said verbatim what I was told to do and didn't.

Later that evening I read how Jeraboam, the first king of Isreal after Solomon, had ignored the word of the Lord, how a much worse fate befell him. He spent the rest of his life at war with Judah, his child died, and his life ended in disarray. God let me know via making an example of Jeraboam that he takes disobedience seriously, and that there are consequences for our actions. And I'm pretty guilty.

I had a conversation with Shawn Weeks today about a related topic. We were both discussing the array of females in our lives and how to cope with having many female friends, having the "just friends" talk with them (and us), as well as particular personality types. We both exchanged stories about how recently we had both met girls who have the "I'm a good christian girl but I'm also in college and am allowed to find innuendoes funny now because I'm breaking out of my southern baptist roots" complex and how both Shawn and I feed off of that kind of thing. Both Shawn and I are fond of innuendo (c'mon you know you are too!) and when those type are girls are around they laugh at our jokes, and what can we say? It strokes our egos to have pretty girls cover their mouth with that "I can't believe you just said that but I have the aforementioned complex to I'm going to laugh really hard" laugh . Shawn said, "She's just a good Christian girl, and I'm . . ." "not a good Christian girl." I finished. He responded with a sentence that describes me very well. "I'm just not a good Christian" he said.I was mulling this over in the car while I was driving home late one night, and the question dusked on me, "I wonder what my life would be like if I just obeyed?" This question has roused in me the strongest distaste for God and the strongest obedience to Him I think I've experienced in my life. And I know which one I prefer.

Filling out college app. essays has been rough these past few days. I remember filling out the essay for the presidential scholarship at UNM. Dr. Hromas helped me edit it . . . it still sucked only because Dr. Hromas was kind enough not to change my original wording too much and instead to make sure grammar etc. was clean. I remember turning that thing in think it was really really sucky. I also remember hoping my test scores and gpa would speak for me. Now, the situation is a little different. My gpa isn't as impeccable as it was in high school. It's still very good, better than most I suppose but not great. Not enough to fall back on should my impress-admissions boards members-sell-it-but-don't-sell-it essay writing skills consider "poor grammar" a price too high. While editing my downward spiraling essays Jim said, "One thing I notice is that your essays lack passion" and he's write. To my dismay, I find that I'm really not as passionate about me education as maybe I ought to be. I love academia but the things I've really had a jones in my soul about have been more selfish than not I suppose. For example, I'm a romantic of sorts. I'm not the write-her-a-poem-and-read-it-from-her-window-sill-and-talk-about-our-feelings sort like the kind of "sweet" guys in knew in high school. But I am rather fond of the idea of pursuing a woman, of consummating our romance, and then to continue pursuing her even when she's mine. I've glimpsed intimacy with another human being and hope to have it again one day. But school? I like . . . a lot . . . really, but romance seems of far greater value than school sometimes. My other quandary is simply this: I need to focus more on school. My 3.5 isn't raising any eyebrows down at the ivy league. I know God has called me to be an academic, which is wonderful because romance doesn't look so good on the signature line for the lease. (But even Jim and Josh could tell you that the M.D. J.D. Ma.Theo. and B.S. aren't necessary causes of a lucrative life style either). My parents will tell you that I've never really been concerned about money either. they used to tell me when I young that it was because I didn't pay for anything, but even after I moved out and payed for most everything I didn't worry too much. It's been easier for me to trust God for my food than for my spouse (though I suppose that's not a fair comparison seeing as seeking the kingdom of God adds one and the other's still a 50/50). So how does school fit into this? good question. I don't know really what to do about it except to pray and ingest the word. the honest truth of it is that I'm far more passionate about selfish things like whether or not God will let me get married, than I am about my majors. Alas, I suppose that it's another of the many portions of my soul that is out of sync with the others. Realizing the truth doesn't always seem like a good thing, Mr. Apologist because it means owning up to my own shortcomings . . . and I don't like that. The other side of this whole dilemma is that it allows me to look at life with a more adventuresome set of eyes. So i don't know where I'll be in eight months. who does? So, marriage? that one's a little harder to brush off, but by the end it should make a good short story at least. And at least most of the time (when I'm not being belligerent or myopic) I believe God is good. And it's the goodness of God that puts a rose tint on the garbage heap. Who knew blood stained glass so well? On a lighter side, I've found my favorite Mac/PC commercial evur! Sadly it's only released in england. Sometimes, I'm just in awe . . .</p>